So, the wait is getting harder. I'm just going to come right out and fess up to that. Over these last two months I've finally come to terms with the fact that adoption is not all rainbows and moonbeams. The initial cloud of eager hopefulness has passed. Now, I find myself vacillating between feelings of impatience and exhaustion. The other day I looked at my sweet husband and sourly said, "I'M SO TIRED OF ADOPTION!"
And I am tired. I'm tired of checking my email fifty times a day, and of hanging onto every bit of news that our agency sends. I'm tired of wondering whether or not new kids have arrived at our agency's transition home, and if our child might, maybe, be one of them. I'm tired of sorting through every shred of information on the current state of politics and ethics in Ethiopia, wondering whether or not the country will continue to process international adoptions. And I'm tired of thinking through what our plans B and C will be if this first route doesn't work out for us.
Life has a funny way of revealing little bits of truth to you when you least expect them. Because although I'm feeling "tired" of this whole adoption thing, I'm also realizing that this wait has been exactly what we needed in order to point us in the direction of our future little ones.
A few weeks ago we came across this video of a little boy in China who needed a family. We had never considered China. We also hadn't ever thought seriously about parenting a child with a visual impairment. That's what those other, more saintly people do, right? But there was something about this boy. We watched the video a few more times. We brought him up in conversation. And before we knew it, we started sponsoring him and his amazing classmates at Bethel China. We knew we weren't yet eligible to adopt from China, but we fell in love with him anyways. Last week, we received bittersweet news; the little boy has been matched with his forever family. Although we wish it could have been us, we're grateful that this child opened our hearts a bit wider than they were before. We now have dreams of partnering with Bethel China for our next adoption. That wouldn't have happened if we hadn't been waiting.
Is it weird to say that I feel like we're on the verge of greatness? Of course we may also be on the verge of complete chaos...but with that surely comes greatness, right? Right :)
And because the wait has gotten long, I finally caved and allowed myself to indulge a little... I bought my first gift to our future child! One tiny elephant and a purple shirt with a simple, yet big message:
Oh, little one. You already have.